you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
