i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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