What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
