bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
