I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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