Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
