she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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