you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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