When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
