Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
