singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
