Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
