Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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