She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
