She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
