He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
