One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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