We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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