someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
