I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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