Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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