she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
worst night to have a conscience
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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