I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
