will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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