I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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