The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
