"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
