I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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