Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
