drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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