she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
