At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
