Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
