Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize