Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
