Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
