i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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