Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
