My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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