can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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