well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
