I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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