Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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