Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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