Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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