the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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