I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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