apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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