I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
