Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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