that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
