No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
