I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize