Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
