dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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