Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
...so i touched it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize