What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
