Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am available for nakedness
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
