My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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