ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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