Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
