i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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