you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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