I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
