I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize