went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
