How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
