Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
