My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
