No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
