just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
