Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
