So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
