I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
