I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
