How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
