i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
