just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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