Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
