Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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