I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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