Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
