He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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