so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
